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Owning it and OWNING it

Being able to say, ”I am a business owner“ with absolute confidence, is not easy. Is it real? Is this happening? It can feel like a wool sweater on a hot summer day. Also known as, imposter syndrome. Which is why I have spent so much of my time reflecting, dissecting, researching, learning, writing, planning, sharing, so to build up my esteem artillery against my own worst thoughts and doubts. Destined to fail is how I felt my entire life but the quiet underbelly was to always KEEP.GOING. This business endeavor is different. There is so much heart and story behind the why. I share a small piece of it in the article that Current in Carmel released. While I love where I live, I appreciate where I have been. It was as though no matter what I did, I was a splinter in my home town. The attempts at many entrepreneurial endeavors, and none of them got off the ground. It felt cursed. It was so frustrating. I was also my experiencing the consequences of my own choices. The Universe pushed me out…just like a splinter, to the other side of glory. My Mom, who is in late stages of Alzheimers, now lives by me. I pick her up and take her for Dairy Queen. One of her favorite things. On this particular day, she no longer wanted the ice cream she had practically had all her life. Another small death in this disease. So I drove her around Carmel. Rolled down the windows and cruised. Many days she does not know my name. Or even who I am. She said to me, “Tobi, what a beautiful place you live. A wonderful life. I am so happy for you. It is a long time coming after all your hardship.” It was stunning. The clearest thing she has said to me in years. It was as though in that moment, there was no plaque and she was able to see my rewards. I know more than anyone that there is not a geographical cure. You bring your sh*t with you. However, there is an energy and vibrancy a community can bring. I found that in Carmel. It checked all the boxes. I still occasionally drive through my hometown and reflect and peruse the antique stores and of course, pick up my favorite local foods. I was finally able to say to my Mom, that Carmel is now her home too.

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